@hacks4pancakes since we're talking about this (just dropping it here if it's alright) if anyone has anything, ideas, openings, whatever, for someone in their early 30s who's in school, programmer (i also tutor cs here), linux user, trans, panicking, probably other things, i am scrambling to find out where i can go and what my options are. i'm in terrible shape right now and not very articulate but i need to get out of here