God was there

If anything I feel like it got better after marriage.

I was at the zoo a few years ago when Aldabra Tortoises were fucking. It was that but a few octaves lower, and you could hear it from the start of the section. If you imaging what a large turtle fucking would sound like in some dumb sex comedy movie, it was exactly that.

Are you the neighbour?

Which is wild because that's like the least bad thing the Sodomites were up to (and Lot's whole family was pretty fucked too). But people will latch onto the flimsiest justification that reinforces their beliefs, in this case "gay dudes are icky."

I want your blessings all over my face

I’ve always wondered where the word “onanist” came (lol) from… I’m guessing from this fairy tale accurate historical account of genuine events.

No one talks about the follow up to that story, where Onan’s dad Judah is like, “shit! this woman is trouble! I can’t lose my last son!” He basically tells Tamar (the widow) to go back to her dad, blows her off.

Tamar gets sick of it, goes into town, disguises herself as a temple prostitute. Judah comes to town, asks what it costs for a roll in the hay, and she asks for his family’s token so she’ll know he’s good for it.

She ends up pregnant, and the elders of the village bring her before Judah - “hey, your daughter in law was a whore and got knocked up, we are putting her to death.” He says, “who knocked you up?” - she produces the family token. He says “ah shit, you got me.” She has the kid, gets the inheritance. Depending on which gospel, she could be Jesus’s great (x a bunch) grandmother.

Like Genesis outright recognizes what she did as right. She’s the hero of the story.

Us nothing, him, maybe.

Known Biblically

https://nonprofitlight.com/fl/jacksonville/tim-tebow-foundation-inc

You know what? Not bad. President at $230k and finance officer at $93000.

President is honestly probably making too much money since it seems like it's actually Tebow paying for everything and bringing in donors by being Tim Tebow but whatever, it's Tebow's money, maybe he's in the entourage.

Omg the logic in this comment is miraculously inconsistent. I’m honestly impressed with the fact that this came into your brain, proceeded to flow out of you into the keyboard, and not once did you stop yourself to think “wait a second, does what I’m saying even make sense?”

Congratulations. This is probably the dumbest comment I’ve read in months

Ask and you shall receive

So did Magic Johnson

He got that woman pregnant once before her husband had even had a go.

From prima nocta to prima knocked-up.

https://projects.propublica.org/nonprofits/organizations/274345913

he had the sex

And he came in three seconds.

Can you feel the Holy Spirit inside you?

Sack-ra-ment?

This is so uninformative you would have been better off not saying anything at all.