Every single time

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They told you the problem. It may not have been a verbal demand but they've absolutely told you that something is wrong. Or there's a pattern that's been occurring. Or fuck you everything sucks right now. It doesn't matter why someone is defensive there are ways to deescalate what the fuck is happening and work out what's wronf together.

If you can't work that out with your partner when they're overloaded or upset about work or hungry or elevated you need to figure your shit out. Not all communication is verbal. You have to learn to work in crisis together no matter how big or small.

When my partner flips their shit I ask them what they need and agree that we should do that. And listen to them and figure out if we are solutions oriented right now or just venting. And I validate them.

We're a team. We can do this together.

bruhduh

What if you physically attacked by that person tho?

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Well stop trying to make this relationship work, pack your bag and run.
If you are in this situation i hope it will get better for you!
good luck.

bruhduh

Thank you)

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Not true my shitty ass marriage of mutual animosity has lasted almost two decades. So... I got that going for me.

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Inconceivable!

lurch (he/him)

Then it's finally time to get the plate mail. Fool me once, you can't get fooled again.

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I'd rather be single than have that. My sister has a weird couple as friends, they're always so hostile and sarcastic to each other, constantly arguing. Why anyone would stay willingly in a relationship like that is beyond me.

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Because its

and I am glad that most here dont find it relatable

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Wife bad amirite fellas upvotes to the left <-

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You look them in the eye and kiss them tenderly. It might be their kink.

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Codependency. Lots of people can't stand to be by themselves so they'd rather be in a terrible relationship than being alone.

2ugly2live

I wonder if she gets quiet because she's brought up the same, exact issue multiple times and she's tired of her concerns being invalidated and forgotten as "women, am I right?"

This can go both ways. She could be upset he's not a mind reader, or she could be upset that he doesn't give a fuck. A " Schrodinger's Douchebag" if you will.

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If my partner is having an issue they can't properly express, how I am supposed to somehow magically know what they need? That's some Disney shit.

If my partner is upset, I will 100% try to find a solution with them. But if they get mad at me for not understanding what they feel because they don't understand it themselves, you bet that I won't let that roll.

And it's also okay to say "I'm upset and I don't know why exactly". It's a starting point to resolve the issue.

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It doesn't matter they can't initially properly express it. It matters that you create enough space for them to express frustration and help them work through it. Or you're always going to have to deal with them blowong up. Because they can't feel like they can talk to you. There's no pressure release valve.

But if they get mad at me for not understanding what they feel because they don’t understand it themselves, you bet that I won’t let that roll.

So you escalate the situation instead?

If they're just pissed, they're pissed. It's not personal. Unless you did indeed fuck up, then don't be defensive and figure out why. This isn't debate team, there are no points, there is no winner. You absolutely will have to "let it roll" so that that they feel confident in "letting it roll" when you're being irrational and frustrated.

Big caveat here of course when it comes to irrational anger, if it's abusive, leave the room|house|state if possible. Also, know that there are mutual aid networks to help with that. If you feel you're in an abusive relationship call the hotline.

National Domestic Violence Hotline

Everyone deserves relationships free from domestic violence. When you're ready, we're here to listen with confidential support 24/7/365.

The Hotline (www.thehotline.org)

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National Domestic Violence Hotline

Everyone deserves relationships free from domestic violence. When you're ready, we're here to listen with confidential support 24/7/365.

The Hotline (www.thehotline.org)

snooggums

No, there are a number of women (and men) who get mad because someone didn't read their mind about what they wanted. It only becomes shitty when people assume it applies to everyone of one gender.

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OK Boomer.

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It may not have been a verbal demand but they’ve absolutely told you that something is wrong.

Devil's advocate: perhaps. But, then all you know is something is wrong, not what. And when asking clarifying questions, like, oh say "what's wrong?" makes the situation worse? Guess i should paid more attention in Mind Reading at Hogwarts...

IninewCrow

That's not a relationship .... that's Stockholm syndrome