trying not to have my eyes roll out of my head and immediately die, not from the eye thing, but from boredom and distaste the moment I read anything to do with "business" in a job description

[aud@fire.asta.lgbt]

@[email protected] I have no idea how to pronounce that but I'm already here for this

[aud@fire.asta.lgbt]

We are working on a highly attractive product that is changing the way hotels manage all their activity.

"highly attractive product" lmao citation needed assholes

EDIT: also 🤮

[aud@fire.asta.lgbt]

Machine Learning Engineer (all genders)

oh, good. Glad to know it.

[hipsterelectron@circumstances.run]

@aud i imagine some silly russian guy getting all haughty over his business acumen or perhaps making fun of someone else doing so. maybe this is someone i meet at a bar and we are talking shit about the problem of work. shit like that

[aud@fire.asta.lgbt]

Write clean, maintainable, high-quality code using React-
closes tab

[aud@fire.asta.lgbt]

lmao alright, I didn't close the tab and it got even better

Most importantly, you share our values...

    You roll up your sleeves
    You make it easy
    You are proud
    You never stop learning
    You play to win

[aud@fire.asta.lgbt]

I make it sleazy and I play to lose, motherfuckers.

[terraboops@sharkey.stellar.gay]

@[email protected] this is what the job description for my first job sounded like

one of the sentences in my official job description was something like "doesn't know the meaning of impossible"

[aud@fire.asta.lgbt]

@[email protected] "So, do you need a picture of my bookshelf to prove that I don't own a dictionary, or... what's the deal here."

[hipsterelectron@circumstances.run]

@aud very easy to drum up a shit talking russian voice in my head

[aud@fire.asta.lgbt]

@[email protected] ME TOO

I love the accents basically anything Eastern European really

[aud@fire.asta.lgbt]

This other job application has an option to upload a photo of yourself and says, "Having a profile photo makes your application more noticeable." and while scrolling for a headshot I found the sexy Elliot Gould and Grover TV guide cover and I gotta admit, I'm half tempted to upload it.

[aud@fire.asta.lgbt]

PLEASE STOP ME FROM DOING THIS

I went to the phone number part to distract me from doing this

BUT IT'S STILL IN MY HEAD

[aud@fire.asta.lgbt]

AUDREY DO NOT UPLOAD THE SEXY ELLIOT GOULD AND GROVER TV GUIDE COVER PHOTO AS YOUR HEADSHOT

[aud@fire.asta.lgbt]

I MEAN

it would make it noticeable

you can't argue against that

[odoruhako@mastodon.social]

@aud Oh man. They should bring back jobs ads that are just "must do <x> for money". These modern ones always expect you to lie about extremely weird shit, just so that some manager can get off...

[aud@fire.asta.lgbt]

this is to a German company

what is the response going to be

[aud@fire.asta.lgbt]

@[email protected]
SLEEVES? DOWN
MAKING IT? SLEAZY
FEELING? SHAME
LEARNING? DONE
PLAYING TO WIN? NOT EVEN ONCE

[glitzersachen@hachyderm.io]

@aud

In this regards, German companies do not have any humor.

Actually I mean, German companies don't have any humor at all.

[aud@fire.asta.lgbt]

This post is deleted!