Decisions
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[email protected]replied to [email protected] last edited by
I prefer the renegade
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Tell a related story is best choice because it shows that you really feel what that person is coming through since you've came through similar situation yourself
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But then you are making this about yourself. Stealing the show. Reaping all the sympathy.
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“I can’t say I would’ve known what to do, had I been in your position.”
“I can only imagine what that must have been like for you, which understandably likely isn’t of much consolation to you.”
“It would be disingenuous of me to presume to know what it was like for you to have experienced what you endured, but I am happy to listen to what you have to say, if you wish to tell me.”
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I can't tell whether this is supposed to be advice on what to do or not. I can certainly see people getting upset at all of them for putting your feelings and perspective at the forefront however.
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[email protected]replied to ERROR: Earth.exe has crashed last edited by
You might need to try a different therapist.
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That sucks.
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When is only you and your friend in evening near the grill, then i don't know which sympathy i stole, i mean men truly open up very rarely and often in very small circle or even only to one person, so you have to show some compassion in these moments
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[email protected]replied to [email protected] last edited by
Hey thanks! I like that phrasing better. Less perfunctory, more sincere.
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"Cool story, bro"
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"Stop trauma dumping on me, do I look like a licensed therapist?"
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that's what neurodivergent people do to show sympathy - very often unknowingly. folks sometimes think we do that to get the attention for ourselves, but it's just a long winded way of saying "i understand what you feel, you're not alone in your pain"
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[email protected]replied to [email protected] last edited by
Pussies are pretty tough though. Balls on the other hand ... too warm, too cold, don't touch me, you'll hurt me.
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So you say the initial cry's a show?
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That's the answers for the attention hogs
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“What can I do to help?”
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"Be careful how you treat people when you're on top, they're the ones you need to catch you if you fall"
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"Cool story bro, did I ever tell you about that time I took an arrow to the knee?..."
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[email protected]replied to [email protected] last edited by
Sadly, no one does that.
It's the best option.
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It all depends on how you say it. Some people just genuinely do need to know someone understands them at face value. Adding your own experiences and using that to validate their feelings rather than overshadow then is an invaluable practiced skill. It allows you to layer advice into how you convey it, sometimes without them even realizing that's what you're doing.
A great way to do this subtly is to ask them questions that help you find VERY close similarities that open the door to a segway into your own experience. Example:
"Oh man, that's horrible. Hitting a roadblock like that suck so much. Did you have to deal with [related thing] too?"
"YES and it only piled onto my stress. Ughhhhh."
"I know all too well. It's the worst and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I'm so sorry. If it helps, I could go through what I did. It's not exactly the same, but maybe something that helped me will resonate? But I understand if you'd rather just vent. My ear's always open."
The trick is usually asking if they want to hear it. Then you know for SURE whether or not to proceed, and you've framed it in such a way that is less about you and more about investigating ways the shared experience can inform how they handle the issue themselves, or how the differences can add better insight into their own trouble.
