Decisions

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"Stop trauma dumping on me, do I look like a licensed therapist?"

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that's what neurodivergent people do to show sympathy - very often unknowingly. folks sometimes think we do that to get the attention for ourselves, but it's just a long winded way of saying "i understand what you feel, you're not alone in your pain"

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Pussies are pretty tough though. Balls on the other hand ... too warm, too cold, don't touch me, you'll hurt me.

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So you say the initial cry's a show?

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That's the answers for the attention hogs

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“What can I do to help?”

Alex

"Be careful how you treat people when you're on top, they're the ones you need to catch you if you fall"

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"Cool story bro, did I ever tell you about that time I took an arrow to the knee?..."

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Sadly, no one does that.

It's the best option.

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It all depends on how you say it. Some people just genuinely do need to know someone understands them at face value. Adding your own experiences and using that to validate their feelings rather than overshadow then is an invaluable practiced skill. It allows you to layer advice into how you convey it, sometimes without them even realizing that's what you're doing.

A great way to do this subtly is to ask them questions that help you find VERY close similarities that open the door to a segway into your own experience. Example:

"Oh man, that's horrible. Hitting a roadblock like that suck so much. Did you have to deal with [related thing] too?"

"YES and it only piled onto my stress. Ughhhhh."

"I know all too well. It's the worst and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I'm so sorry. If it helps, I could go through what I did. It's not exactly the same, but maybe something that helped me will resonate? But I understand if you'd rather just vent. My ear's always open."

The trick is usually asking if they want to hear it. Then you know for SURE whether or not to proceed, and you've framed it in such a way that is less about you and more about investigating ways the shared experience can inform how they handle the issue themselves, or how the differences can add better insight into their own trouble.

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Conversely:

And how did that make you feel?

Possibly linux

"You know as someone who grew up with no food and a dirt floor I can relate. Growing up my mother died and I was often beaten by my father."

sag

"That's rough buddy."

Buglefingers

Relateable, I once had a blanket that didn't totally cover me. Toes or shoulder coverage only. We are truly brothers in suffering

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I learned this a few years ago and my mind was blown because I'm autistic and this is indeed my instinct. I have also found that neurodivergent people are more likely to respond positively to an anecdote.

Neurotypical people tend to react better to "reflective listening" — basically the "it sucks" button, but more expanded. Like if someone is venting about something, I might say "That sounds really frustrating", or similar. It feels like playing conversational ping pong where I'm not an active participant in the rally, but just reacting to my conversation partner's shots.

I don't tend to find reflective listening especially helpful if I'm the recipient of it (I cope with problems differently), so it blew my mind when I was trying to support a friend with these techniques and they ended the conversation by thanking me for the support, and they really needed that. It baffled me because I hadn't felt like I'd said anything really at all, besides just reflecting stuff back at them, which felt sort of like small talk but even more superficial. But nah, turns out that different people find different kinds of support helpful. The_More_You_Know.jpg

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You're great at explaining this, thanks for giving these examples

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The most sarcastic, yet relatable response to any conversation not involving you (or me).

Poplar?

Haha, glad I learnt of this parody journal. There's also the Journal of Immaterial Science for anyone interested.

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"I'm sorry for your loss. Move on."

"It's not like you've lost a pen, is it? It's so much worse. ...Would you like a pen? have a spare
one. ...Please take it."

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All of them, this is a QuickTime event. You have to feel out what they're looking for. You have to hit the buttons in order and with the right timing

First - that sucks. Show empathy and active listening, see if they have more to say. Let them get it out

Next - you have to decide, are they more upset, or more stressed

Upset - story time, show sympathy. Keep it light on the details, and don't try to draw comparisons - keep it at the emotional level.
Then advice time - again, keep it brief and vague

Stressed - advice, lay out options rapid fire and see if they latch onto any.
If they don't, story time - tell them about similar situations, without drawing emotional comparisons, where you got past it more easily than expected