A lesson some need to learn
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That's the neat part!
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[email protected]replied to [email protected] last edited by
I don't know that I agree that you have to but sure that's not an unreasonable policy either. I guess it depends on the specifics for me.
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[email protected]replied to [email protected] last edited by
Oh you've met my "supervisor" Dave?
Why is "supervisor" in quotes? You'd know if you knew Dave.
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I tried teaching my mom that and that did not go well.
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Yeah, as a kid I had serious struggles with certain things and my parents eventually started getting angry at my apologies. That was a parenting decision of theirs that went quite poorly for me.
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[email protected]replied to [email protected] last edited by
"I know what I am" - princess pony head
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There are three critical parts to an apology. You have to feel regret/remorse, accept guilt and make an effort to correct it/make sure it never happens again.
If all three aren't present every time then someone isn't sorry. If they say sorry and don't make it right or make reasonable actions to ensure it doesn't happen again then they are a liar and poor company to keep.
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parenting decision of theirs
What do you mean their decision was? Did they make you promise to do better next time? Curious, as I'm a parent.
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Not believing that I was trying to do better. I was suffering from adhd (diagnosed) and depression symptoms so my tripping points were largely in my own head.
The fact is they didn't know how to help. The fact is I was a teenager going through shit I didn't have the words for. We were all lost and confused. But like clockwork every report card came with a lecture to the point of me sobbing, swearing I'd do better, and eventually self harming to make it stop. But I'd be told that I had meds so I can't blame my mental illness, and my parents had it too and no meds so they know I'm able to do it. Eventually my father got to the point of loudly giving up on me every semester.
Idk if that helps, but yeah, it was bad enough that as an adult I've had a few full on flashbacks to that time, and had to spend quite a bit of effort on healing from it.
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Thank you for sharing. I hope this helps others who are going through the same thing, or are putting their kids through the same thing.
And I'm actually so, so sorry you had to go through that. I can't imagine the anxiety. I love you, man. You're strong.
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Yeah my parents definitely tried, and a lot of their failures weren't their fault, but others were. I'm 30 now so I'm long past the stage of blaming them for shit just to blame them. They had a lot of issues individually and even more as a couple.
So yeah, if you have preexisting trauma or mental health issues it's probably a good idea to get help for them earlier rather than later into being a parent. If you've tried everything and nothing works and your kid swears they're trying too start looking for new things, but also love and accept your child failure and all. And dont let your love for your kid slowly fade and eventually disown them. It will ruin your relationship with all your kids even if you don't realize it, but I suspect that's not a thing most parents are at risk of doing lol.
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Very good advice. I think it sounds like you came out of all this with a lot of insight along with the inevitable damage/baggage. And that's honestly a bit of a win. That's awesome.
