A lesson some need to learn

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Unless you work in a customer facing role......then you throw out apologies all over the place to calm people down. Never need to act on the apology. Just need to get through the shift. Management isn't going to change the structures that cause the poor experience anyway.

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I really like this perspective, thanks for sharing!

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What about paying a small fine which is a fraction of the profits you made from the crime?

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What do you mean?

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Assuming we're talking about a friend/acquaintance, a person can be genuinely sorry but sort of be too dim to meaningfully improve their behavior. That said, if they don't at least give a good faith effort to improve then my patience will wear thin and I'll probably want to be around them as little as possible, even if I end up ultimately forgiving them on the emotional side of things.

Apathy Tree

I used to do that, but I stopped because I’m trying to be less of a people-pleasing doormat in general. Plus people don’t like empty apologies from company reps anyway.. it often led to more hostility. Apologizing also tends to give to the impression that they are right to be pissy whiny assholes, which isn’t something that should be encouraged at all.

Instead, I started saying “I very much understand your frustration; let’s see what we can do to get this resolved for you.” This makes you and the customer (psychologically) a team against the problem, and they are less likely to go off on you.

I definitely stole that tactic from car salespeople. And it works super well.

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Sometimes it's wise to give advice how things should work

FenrirIII

Likewise, if someone genuinely apologizes and tries to make it right, stop shitting on them. Too many people view apologies as weakness and admitting fault for events that are sometimes out of your hands.

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Could have picked a better father...

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That depends on how small a fraction of the profits are paid, smaller fraction = more sorry.

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You're right, I should have mentioned I am referring to the same repeated bad behavior and people who keep apologizing for it again and again as if that makes it all better, rather than making meaningful change. An apology is meaningless without action to back it up.

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On the contrary, one of my favorite meme mutations is the subversion of the intent of the original media or meme itself. Like the "can you please call HR", "hello human resources" one. Or bonehurtingjuice on the whole.

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How do I become a better person and stop doing it? I find I am constantly making mistakes and bothering people. I think a solution to this would be to stop interacting with people as a whole so my presence isn't harming anyone, but that often isn't really feasible. Like at work I often have to interact with people to do my job for example.

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Nope. If buddy does the thing again, he gets a Hey Buddy talk to remind him he's over the line. You still have to be that proper friend as long as you can.

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Why don't you believe that you can learn or get better at things?

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Find a different behavior to replace it is the easiest in my experience. But not every apology worthy behavior has an alternative or replacement.

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think an apology is a 'get out of jail free'

Well, 'forgive' and 'forget' aren't the same.

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That apologies in mere words are so useful that all corporations have some specialists to do just that?

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There are just so many variables and ways to respond and interact that I manage to select the wrong ones all the time. In an ideal situation, I would stop and weigh the options of every single thing I do and say at any given moment in order to figure out the correct course of action. But that just isn't feasible. And I never realize when I'm supposed to stop and think until it's too late.

Like today, I wanted to keep my coworker informed about some case she will have to deal with in the morning. So I sent her a long text. But that was wrong and bad because it was bothering someone with a life at home. It was only hours later that I realized that I had an alternative. I could have handwritten out a letter on the case and stuck it where she would see instead of being invasive and bothersome outside of the workplace.

I have learned some things over time, but sadly there are just an infinite number of scenarios and things and ways I'm supposed to interact and I just can't figure them all out.

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People go through that all the time. It's normal. What matters is your learning. It sounds like you did learn.

Also, maybe they don't care about the text? Some people care some people don't. But probably better for it to be an email / note. Not a big deal either way. Just learn and don't ruminate on it. Everyone goes through it.