"Trump keeps providing himself with potential exit ramps from the Sept.
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William Lindsey :toad:replied to lolonurse last edited by
@lolonurse Definitely lucky. As some commentators like John McNeill have said, the LBGTQ portion of the population often functions as the talented 10th, giving all sorts of gifts and talents to the population at large, while often being unacknowledged, unseen, scorned. You're fortunate that you saw the talented 10th close up as you grew up.
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lolonursereplied to William Lindsey :toad: last edited by
@wdlindsy
Yes! We once owned a sandwich shop, and we would treat ourselves to a 1/4 wheel of wonderful Parm when we were shopping for the store. I love cheese. (PS... my grandmother came from a tiny village not far from Köln (Cologne)... so your husband and I could be distant cousins - people didn't go very far in those days!) (PPS - re:cheese...
the German womenfolk made a very comforting warm cheese spread from farmer cheese. I still make it to this day!) -
lolonursereplied to William Lindsey :toad: last edited by
@wdlindsy
The only thing that makes me wince is that he chose to tell his wife on their anniversary. That doesn't strike me as being very compassionate. Double whammy. Then again, I know nothing of their relationship - just thinking how I would react. Maybe she had an inkling. One of my closest friends is trans, & when she told her (ex)wife, divorce was immediate, and the kids needed years to process it (all's good now, & she's a grandparent). -
lolonursereplied to William Lindsey :toad: last edited by
@wdlindsy
I was also very fortunate to grow up in NYC, with parents who absolutely loved every aspect of theater, from musicals to opera to Joseph Papp's off-beat productions to ballet. My very first concert was Leonard Bernstein. I think I was about 6 or 7. I went to an Andy Warhol party in the East Village in 1967. It was horrible bc I always hated cigarette smoke, & it was very thick! -
William Lindsey :toad:replied to lolonurse last edited by
@lolonurse A wonderful, rich upbringing. I'm with you on hating the smell of cigarette smoke. Both of my parents were heavy smokers, as were all of my mother's siblings except one. I am really glad in my adult life that I don't have to live with that any more.
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William Lindsey :toad:replied to lolonurse last edited by
@lolonurse There's much I don't understand about his life, because he never chose to share with me and still does not. He's very seriously ill now and nothing has changed, sadly, and as I tell his daughter, I don't expect it to change. He was far and away my mother's favorite. She did not mind saying that and telling her other sons that we had disappointed her. I think that relationship made him from childhood very focused on himself and not very responsive to others' feelings.
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William Lindsey :toad:replied to lolonurse last edited by
@lolonurse My husband's family's little village outside Köln is Stommeln. It's one of the few villages or towns in Germany whose synagogue survived the Nazi period. The synagogue is now a museum that we visited, a deeply touching and painful shrine. The story told is that a farmer took it over and kept pigs inside it, and in that way it was saved from destruction.
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lolonursereplied to William Lindsey :toad: last edited by
@wdlindsy
Dang! I'm sorry to hear about what must have been a sad & confusing time for you. I know my wackadoodle middle sister was my dad's favorite, but it was subtle, & he vehemently denied having any favorites. But it was likely bc she is such a f-d up human. Sorry your brother isn't trying to make things right before he goes, but it sounds like maybe you at least have a relationship with your niece? -
lolonursereplied to William Lindsey :toad: last edited by
@wdlindsy
There were some decent people - I think maybe more in villages than cities, where neighbors relied on each other more, & shared milk, bread, sugar... Also, there were priests & nuns who took in families, or hid children, at great risk to themselves.
One of our small cemeteries in Germany was destroyed by Nazis, but after the war, people found headstones, repaired them, & though they didn't know exactly where the graves were, they set them up again, and it is now protected. -
William Lindsey :toad:replied to lolonurse last edited by
@lolonurse Yes, there were some really exemplary instances of that kind of courage and compassion to protect Jewish neighbors. The village of Le-Chambon-sur-Lignon in France stands out and has been celebrated in a documentary by Pierre Sauvage. My spouse and I watched a film several months ago about a village in the German Rhineland whose members hid many Jewish neighbors — based on a true story — and its title is unfortunately escaping my mind now.
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William Lindsey :toad:replied to lolonurse last edited by
@lolonurse I do find my niece someone I can talk to, and am grateful for that. From childhood forward, she had an emotional maturity her three brothers lacked. More was expected of her as the sole girl in the family, and she has grown into a very intelligent, hard-working, truth-telling and loving adult, someone I very much admire. I'm very grateful for her.
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lolonursereplied to William Lindsey :toad: last edited by
@wdlindsy
I was hoping that would be the case.🩵 -
Exiled New Yorker - Conniereplied to William Lindsey :toad: last edited by
I never knew what pressures boys & men faced until my husband started suffering the effects of his brain damage.
He was impotent.
Through many, many conversations I learned of the unimaginable pressures placed on males in our culture and it horrified me.
He remembered it recently, and he was crushed all over again.
He told me he felt obligated to tell me to find a boyfriend.
He’d forgotten the next day, thank goodness.Fork all of our toxic cultures.
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Mickey Lloydreplied to William Lindsey :toad: last edited by
"I was fortunate to be born outside the family structure. The males saw me as a waste of time as the females saw me a cautionary tale. Like you I was able to become me" - one lucky bastard
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William Lindsey :toad:replied to Mickey Lloyd last edited by
@mlbellar @lolonurse The rare opportunity to become me: I'm grateful for it in my own life, though the price was suffering at the hands of a dysfunctional family. I also think of all the people who don't make it, the children who don't survive physically or psychically because they are broken at the hands of monstrous parents.
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William Lindsey :toad:replied to Exiled New Yorker - Connie last edited by
@Pagan_Animist Fork all of our toxic cultures, for sure. Yes, I think the price conformity to gender norms exacts of many males is really high and very damaging. And it's so taken for granted in so very many cases, given the shine of "normality" and even of divine sanction. Many men don't see a way to push back against those heavy expectations because they don't even see that they're there, since they've been so normalized by familial and cultural expectations.
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William Lindsey :toad:replied to lolonurse last edited by
@lolonurse That family connection means a great deal to me. Just last evening, she texted to ask how I'm doing after the recent loss of my friend — who gave my niece her first job, so this is a loss for her, too. She asked me to call her in the next day or so so that we can catch up. I depend on her very much for news of her father's, my brother's, medical condition, since she tells me the truth.
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lolonursereplied to William Lindsey :toad: last edited by
@wdlindsy
At least that's a comfort to you. I have a sister who is a narcissist & sociopath, life-long kleptomaniac (probably no longer the pc term). It's a terrible story, but we don't communicate anymore, & our younger sister cut her off about 8 years ago. The youngest is fine with that, but I'm not, bc we shared the same room for 16 years, & I'm more emotional/sentimental than the other one. Like you, it's impossible not to care. -
William Lindsey :toad:replied to lolonurse last edited by
@lolonurse I'm so sorry to hear you have to deal with that family situation. As you say, it's impossible not to care, and that's a kind of hook, isn't it? We can't change what's wrong in our family members' lives (and in their minds and hearts), and at the same time, we can't stop caring. So we're stuck having to watch situations play out in very undesirable ways, while being unable to change the dynamics.