Every single time

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It doesn't matter they can't initially properly express it. It matters that you create enough space for them to express frustration and help them work through it. Or you're always going to have to deal with them blowong up. Because they can't feel like they can talk to you. There's no pressure release valve.

But if they get mad at me for not understanding what they feel because they don’t understand it themselves, you bet that I won’t let that roll.

So you escalate the situation instead?

If they're just pissed, they're pissed. It's not personal. Unless you did indeed fuck up, then don't be defensive and figure out why. This isn't debate team, there are no points, there is no winner. You absolutely will have to "let it roll" so that that they feel confident in "letting it roll" when you're being irrational and frustrated.

Big caveat here of course when it comes to irrational anger, if it's abusive, leave the room|house|state if possible. Also, know that there are mutual aid networks to help with that. If you feel you're in an abusive relationship call the hotline.

National Domestic Violence Hotline

Everyone deserves relationships free from domestic violence. When you're ready, we're here to listen with confidential support 24/7/365.

The Hotline (www.thehotline.org)

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National Domestic Violence Hotline

Everyone deserves relationships free from domestic violence. When you're ready, we're here to listen with confidential support 24/7/365.

The Hotline (www.thehotline.org)

snooggums

No, there are a number of women (and men) who get mad because someone didn't read their mind about what they wanted. It only becomes shitty when people assume it applies to everyone of one gender.

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OK Boomer.

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It may not have been a verbal demand but they’ve absolutely told you that something is wrong.

Devil's advocate: perhaps. But, then all you know is something is wrong, not what. And when asking clarifying questions, like, oh say "what's wrong?" makes the situation worse? Guess i should paid more attention in Mind Reading at Hogwarts...

IninewCrow

That's not a relationship .... that's Stockholm syndrome

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oh say “what’s wrong?” makes the situation worse? Guess i should paid more attention in Mind Reading at Hogwarts…

I don't think this is a productive way to think of your partner. I also don't think you've read my comment replies.

If you're having trouble communicating with your partner, and you get defensive about it, you're going to have bigger problems than just "mind reading" as you call it.

Cid Vicious

Another one for the blocklist

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I don't escalate, but I tell my partner that her behavior is not acceptable, and she does the same to me.

Being pissed isn't a free pass to be a dick to your partner. If they are pissed and they come to you, then they don't get to be pissy with you.

If they can't do that, they can go take a five and come back after. It's the same thing we teach children.

In the case I fucked up, I apologize and make amends. Again, it isn't a free pass for my partner to berate me.

And my partner expects the same from me.

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I think we're misunderstanding each other. You're using combattive and defensive language and then assuming that I'm allowing someone to berate me. That's different than what happens. There needs to be open communication about how your partner makes you feel and what language they use. But coming at this from a punitive or paternal angle is just ick.

Klnsfw 🏳️‍🌈

Yeah ! Misogyny ! Welcome to my block list, OP !

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Then what they need is to no longer be in the relationship.

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OP is a douche

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girl bad

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The old ball and chain! Am I right?

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Are the straights okay?

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Everybody Sucks Here

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I was worried when I saw so many comments but yall are aight here.

Also you should block me, but for much different reasons.

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Way to help her out yo. She is really lucky to have someone who cares enough to be that patient with her.

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Your initial point is that the partner already expressed their point clearly and that's the other partner (the man), that didn't listen.

To which I responded that the onus is on the pissed person to communicate well the issue, not the person listening (assuming that both are acting on good faith).

It's easy to say " I am mad because of X" regardless of the situation, instead of playing mind games. Or "I am mad about X and I don't know how to express it". Simple, respectful and a starting point to resolve the conflict.

This is not coming from a paternal or punitive angle, this is just proper communication. If you can't express why you are upset to someone and act like the meme, this is not acceptable and respectful.