FlushMe app - Bizarro

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You gotta give it biometrics. For your fingerprint, WHAT IF SOMBODY BROKE INTO YOUR HOUSE AND SHAT ON YOUR TOILET!!!
see there keeping you safe from those shitty bastards!!
So just uhh give us all permissions

Captain Aggravated

No the Flushmate Throne Pro would definitely not have an S bend, it would have a proprietary in-house designed mascerator pump.

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And you fecal data is shared with health insurance companies, so you can get targeted ~~price hikes~~ recommendations

Funwayguy

I wish I was kidding when I say there exist asshole recognition tech already. They'll just attach that to your advertiser ID so their worldwide network of 'smart toilets' can deliver targeted ads to every stall and urinal you visit.

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I wouldn't even have thought to look. So unless it was prominent in the description, I wouldn't notice.

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Is it one of those that plays music through bone conductivity? Cause that'd honestly be a pretty hilarious prank.

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So, if I let a guest shat on my toilet, I have to join and gave my fingerprint permission to flush their shit? Nice.

nek0d3r

My last ISP demanded I use an Eero router that had no web interface, it was only accesible via an app.

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I found a "smart" Wi-Fi bulb in the trash and used a throwaway phone to pair it through its app. It was adjustable white and RGB, so I put it in the bathroom and thought I'd trigger it to be dim red (cicardian rhythm, you know) whenever it was night (using a built-in RTC, NTP or light sensor, whatever it was capable of). Well, nope! It only connects to Wi-Fi when powered on (understandable) and only takes orders from an external server god-knows-where, with limited local functionality (party-light cycling, WB matching, optionally remembering the last setting). It does not notify the server when its power turns on (only when switched via app or smart button) so it cannot be configured as a "smart event". The closest I could do would be to create a time event every minute:

22:00 turn on 25% red
22:01 turn on 25% red
22:02 turn on 25% red
•••
04:29 turn on 25% red
04:30 turn on 100% warm white
04:31 turn on 100% warm white
•••
21:59 turn on 100% warm white

I'm pretty sure there is a limit to timed actions so I can't just do it this way. I guess I know why it got trashed while still working as intended.

I'll be looking into Home Automation and see if there is a compatible firmware to flash on this piece of shit. Or I'll just use my electrical engineering skills to combine red and orange LEDs into another bulb and give it a separate switch.

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Homeassistant? Check [email protected]

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And you just know they're sending copies of all your poop data to China, too, for some reason. Probably something to do with "improving targeted advertising," but we know better.

Flying Squid

Unfortunately, you always have to look now.

And give it a few years and you'll always have to look for "AI" too. We really are approaching Red Dwarf Talky Toaster territory.

Flying Squid

I think it would be even funnier if it just buzzed in time to the song, so it would take whoever was being pranked time to figure out what the hell was going on.

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I'm having to replace my bathroom speaker controller because something about my new Pixel phone doesn't like them. The app won't run under modern android, and doesn't even connect via Bluetooth.

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Ok, sure, why not, but wait, hear me out:
A.I.-powered toilet, on the blockchain, and call it Shitcoin!

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Ours is only accessible via the ISPs app, and is only manageable online.

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Maybe that’s why it was in the trash..

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Yup, that's what it's called

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I have a stove with optional app support, but I tolerate it because the app doesn't add anything. The local controls can do everything. If you use the app, you have to hit a button on the local controls anyway to confirm you are physically there anyway before it listens to the app for most things.

The only thing that was somewhat convenient was phone notification when timed cooking was done, because the stoves own chime wasn't that loud. However ultimately I stopped bothering and just set a phone timer when I set cook timer, because keeping the oven on the network was an active maintenance activity that wasn't worth it.

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Once that frustrates me greatly is eight sleep. My wife had been trying various products and unfortunately eight sleep was the best executed one. But they are openly hostile to local controls.

From the time they have released people have been complaining over and over about zero local controls, suggesting buttons on the base, a remote, or even local wifi or Bluetooth controls and their people keep coming online and patronizing by claiming their engineers are working on it, but it's hard. Truth is they are passing a fucking subscription plan to use your damn bed.

Finally they came out with their local control "solution". No, buttons should not be on the base, that would be inconvenient. No, a remote control would be too easy to lose. So they implemented super dodgy earbud type controls, two taps for a tick colder, three taps for a tick warmer. Ok, janky as hell, but finally, local controls. So you get things going and do the tap and long buzz meaning "reject" the request. Turns out the taps will only process if the cloud server says it's ok, and the bed will usually be "off" and not receptive to taps unless you turn it on via Internet app or you have an Internet arranged schedule that has it on at the time you want to adjust it.

It's a shame since they otherwise had fantastic execution, but their monetization through an app strategy is maddening. So my home has one cloud based device and it pisses me off.