When I was about 17, I decided I was going to make friends.

Ryan Castellucci :nonbinary_flag:

I joined the anime club at my high school, and the one meeting at the local university (with separate "shonen" (boys) and "shojo" (girls) nights - I attended both), a Linux Users' Group, and a board game and tabletop RPG group.

Ryan Castellucci :nonbinary_flag:

My decisions about social activities would be focused on asking "why not?".

I met strangers from the Internet. I gave presentations. I went to conferences. I tried to talk to people even if they seemed too busy or too important. I schmoozed. I projected confidence.

Ryan Castellucci :nonbinary_flag:

These things were hard, but got easier over time. They were immensely helpful for both my sex life and my career.

It turns out that if you make friends, they will invite you to opportunities to make more friends!

Having a network of people to talk to for advice and introductions is powerful.

Ryan Castellucci :nonbinary_flag:

When I started a new job as a "Principal Engineer" at a major tech company two years ago, I immediately looked through the employee directory for people whose work I was familiar with, and asked to meet. We'd talk about our work, then I'd ask"who should I meet?" and "can you make an introduction?".

Ryan Castellucci :nonbinary_flag:

I keep in touch and pass along things of interest.

I present at internal events.

Sometimes I can't do as much as I want, but that's okay.

Yesterday, I met with a "Distinguished Engineer" (industry level influence is expected at this level) at work to discuss a few problems I'm having.

Ryan Castellucci :nonbinary_flag:

When I mentioned that part of my problem was my team worrying about getting someone up the chain on board with what I was proposing, the DE asked "who?". I told them, and they said, "oh, I know them, we go way back! Let's see if I can help clear the road for you!".

My jaw hit the floor, lol.

T.Fish

@ryanc

Last year at Shmoocon a young guy came up to me and we chatted for a few minutes. And then he said “Could you introduce me to someone that you know here?” I was dumbfounded… it’s such an obvious thing to ask in a very social setting and low risk…if I said “no” he’d just ask someone else. I decided I’m going to start doing that from now on.

The cool coda to the story is: I went to that con alone and knowing no one at all. I had met a handful of people by then but I didn’t see any of them around, and I told him as much.

And he said “OK then I’ll introduce you to some people!” I decided that I will also use that strategy if it comes up.

Never thought about that at work… I’m going to look around for some opportunities to do that now!

Buttered Jorts

@ryanc and if you have no friends then nobody introduces you to anyone!