Not the same man

not much call for protection from vampires around swallows, i'd think

Vampire bats.

Also, I was referencing the coconut scene from Monty Python:

SOLDIER: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

ARTHUR: Not at all. They could be carried.

SOLDIER: What? A swallow carrying a coconut?

ARTHUR: It could grip it by the husk…

SOLDIER: It’s not a question of where he grips it it’s a simple question of weight ratios. A five-ounce bird could not carry a one-pound coconut.

ARTHUR: Well, it doesn’t matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here.

A slight pause. Swirling mist. Silence.

SOLDIER: Listen, in order to maintain air speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second. Right?

ARTHUR: (irritated) Please!

SOLDIER: Am I right?

ARTHUR: I’m not interested.

SECOND SOLDIER: (who has loomed up on the battlements) It could be carried by an African swallow!

FIRST SOLDIER: Oh, yes! An African swallow maybe…but not an European swallow. That’s my point.

SECOND SOLDIER: Oh, yes, I agree with that…

ARTHUR: (losing patience) Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court in Camelot?!

FIRST SOLDIER: But then of course African swallows are non-migratory.

SECOND SOLIDER: Oh, yes.

ARTHUR raises his eyes heavenward’s and nods to PATSY. They turn and go off into the mist.

FIRST SOLDIER: So they couldn’t bring a coconut back anyway.

SECOND SOLIDER: Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows carried it together?

FIRST SOLDIER: No, they’d have to have it on a line.

SECOND SOLDIER: Well simple - they just use a strand of creeper…

FIRST SOLDIER: What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?

SECOND SOLDIER: Why not?

It could be more complex than that. It could be an average number of vampires preying on an evolutionary disadvantage - hospitality. Vampires cannot cross a threshold uninvited, but Italians are famous for welcoming everyone and their mothers to dinner. It was a recipe for disaster until they found the holy bulb.

Ever wonder why Italy has crosses in every home? Why the Vatican formed there? Could it have been a long and storied history of the rise and fall of romans and religions? No. Vampires.

It was more obvious when they all had big bellies, but have you ever noticed that the Pope sitting in his white outfit and hat looks like unpeeled garlic?

Personally, I think both theories can be true. It is hard to corroborate dates for our records. Immortal bodies that burn away in sunlight pose some archaeological challenges.

But consider this:

What if Italy had a significantly higher number of vampires than normal? Before they learned the secrets of Allium, and faith, and a big wooden spoon always close at hand.

2075. A world where fast and foreign foods dot the Italian countryside. Faith has been abandoned, crosses discarded. Their traditions are forgotten. But their traditions have not forgotten them.

Only one grandmother remembers the past. Cross on the mantel. Big wooden spoon. Garlic in the sauce. One big dinner, every week. Everyone's invited.

Coming soon to a theater near you:

Nonna: No Blood Before Supper

Vampires domesticated garlic and started a rumor that it repelled vampires. Tricked humans into pre-seasoning the vampires food.

i'm aware, but we've already established that it wasn't swallows.

This is headcannon now.

I would watch that.

It's possibly the other way around.

Fair enough. I still feel like vampire bats might be a threat. Also, we don't know what reservoirs harbor vampirism. Perhaps sparrows are carriers.

People used to think it works like this, but it's actually even more fascinating!

The vampires could still kill some people who domesticated garlic, but only those whose garlic was weak. This introduced evolutionary pressure, or in other words: by accident, they selected for stronger garlic.

It's like when you take antibiotics and stop too soon, leaving only the most resistant bacteria alive.

If based on per capita consumption, China has the most vampires.

...And the omnipresence of garlic in Chinese cuisine would also be what drove jiangshi to develop garlic immunity, makes sense.

how would sparrows transfer vampirism without teeth?

TIL about jiangshi. Thanks.

They wouldn't directly. They'd have to be bitten by something else that acquires vampirism from them and transfers it to another host, like malaria.

latent vampirism...

Yeah, I think that's how reservoirs work, but I'm not a public health expert.

imagine having to explain at the vampires anonymous meeting that you got it by cleaning out your bird feeder.

I think you'd have to at least have an open wound and come into contact with fresh blood since it's a bloodborn pathogen.

...do we know that? maybe vampires just have really bad dental hygiene