OKAY!
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OKAY! Submitted: https://asml.cyber.harvard.edu/asml-fellowship-program/
Look, do I know what my chances are? Honestly? No. It's been ten years since I've written any sort of grant or fellowship proposal, and I had help the last time I did it. So this was really a sort of personal challenge: work through my ADHD, work through my grad school trauma, try and focus on what I believe the proposal is asking for, see if I feel my project is a good fit, and address that in the proposal while writing down what the project's goals are.
I ended up spending all week on it, which is kind of more than I wanted to spend (I mean, who doesn't wanna bang out the writing in a day and be done) since, you know, the very nature of grants and fellowships is even if you're a perfect fit and your proposal is perfect, there's just... so many factors at play.
Still: it's a personal victory. And now I get to actually create a readme for https://codeberg.org/Astatide/satyr that outlines what I want and what I think it should be.
so... yay! Not sure how to feel quite yet
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and I didn't even cry this week
I did get super fucking sad on Wednesday but worked through it. Yay.