For those of us foreseeing that "things are going to get very bad," Sherrilynn Ifill offers some valuable pragmatic tips about surviving

William Lindsey :toad:

@lolonurse I'm in Little Rock, of course. I'm not planning to go to NY, because he has a large circle of family members and friends around him, and I feel I'd be in the way — and, honestly, not too welcome. Our relationship has long been strained.

But friends of mine, an African-American couple, who heard about my brother called me on the weekend and said that they wanted to give me money to fly to NY if I chose to do that. I was deeply touched. I have money for the flight, if I chose to go.
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William Lindsey :toad:

@lolonurse As I say, I'm not going to go. We call my brother and talk to him every day that he's willing to answer to the phone, so I'm in touch. And I'm, needless to say, concerned, grieving, connected heart to heart even though I'm not there physically.

But my point: embedded in my friends' African-American experience is that very practical impulse to assist people in the way they need assistance at the time they need it. These are people who grew up poor, too.

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William Lindsey :toad:

@Nonya_Bidniss Yes, some folks don't realize how recently it was — 1930s — that some Americans were actually hungry. My grandmother was widowed in 1930, left with six children of her own and a step-son to raise, and hardly any money. Fortunately, she inherited my grandfather's store in a small town, so she was able to scrape by and feed her family, with a big garden, a milk cow, a hog, and chickens to help keep food on the table. But others in her town were hungry.

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William Lindsey :toad:

@Nonya_Bidniss When she found a neighbor child had eaten only an onion in an entire day — her family had nothing else — she began feeding that little girl. Her brother on a small farm down the highway, with many children of his own to feed, learned that a neighboring family did not have enough food for its children, and he made a point of feeding those children, two of whom grew up to be well-known country-music stars. People got by by helping each other.

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Nonya Bidniss :CIAverified:

@wdlindsy One might say "hyperlocal" aid organizing. I follow some people who are doing various neighborhood efforts like community fridges and pantries. Learning how to do hydroponic gardening. Stuff like that. When you don't know how unstable the future is it's good to be prepared with like-minded people nearby.

MoiraEve

@wdlindsy Curious--is the public library donation tax-deductible?

William Lindsey :toad:

@MoiraEve I think it must be. I don't fill out my tax forms, I have to admit. My spouse does that, and then takes them to a tax person for a final verification and to file them — so I'm woefully uneducated about those matters.

William Lindsey :toad:

@Nonya_Bidniss Yes, that makes much sense to me.

lolonurse

@wdlindsy
(I'm sorry to hear this)

lolonurse

@wdlindsy
I remember you telling me about your relationship with your brother. Unfortunately, as you know, I can relate.
What a splendid, warm gesture from your friends. Friends like that are precious and so rare.

lolonurse

@wdlindsy
Yes, some people really do live their beliefs. It's heart-warming. It seems to me that many of the people who reach out to help others are members of a "community", whether a church, a neighborhood, firefighters, etc. It seems to grow hearts.

William Lindsey :toad:

@lolonurse Yes. And lots of empirical evidence shows that people at the bottom of the economic pyramid give proportionately much more out of what they have than those at the top give.

William Lindsey :toad:

@lolonurse Yes, I'm deeply touched. When my husband and I were finally permitted to marry in 2014, those same friends organized a large celebration for us, spending lots of money hiring a first-rate band, having invitations designed and cut. Really good people.

William Lindsey :toad:

@lolonurse Thank you. Heavy days right now, especially for my brother, whose suffering is intense but who remains very brave through it all.

lolonurse

@wdlindsy
Tell them a total stranger thinks they're wonderful!

lolonurse

@wdlindsy
Is he on hospice? I can't understand anyone being allowed to suffer through their last days. When my mom was dying, the SOB surgeon denied her pain meds "she could become addicted"... WTF? She's dying! But that was 45 years ago. Pain management has become more humane. Unless his is just not touchable. Then my heart cries for him. (I'm a bit of a nurse crusader, as you can tell.) ️‍🩹

William Lindsey :toad:

@lolonurse Yes, he's in hospice care now. At a distance, it's hard for me to know how much of the pain is physical and how much is the pain of dealing with cancer for such a long time now. I do think the hospice caregivers are providing medicine to keep the physical pain controlled. His ex-wife is also a former hospice nurse of many years and is helping to provide ongoing care for him, for which I'm very grateful. He left her and she could be bitter — but she's a really good person.

William Lindsey :toad:

@lolonurse I'll do so. We have ties binding us over years. My aunt taught Pat, the wife, in college, and my uncle was academic v-p when she was in college. I hired Pat to teach psychology and chair our school's social studies department not knowing any of those ties, then found them out, and we've been close friends ever since — as with her husband Wendell, who officiated at my marriage to Steve in 2014. I'm not a churchgoer, but give a monthly donation to their church out of gratitude.

lolonurse

@wdlindsy
It would be very hard for a hospice nurse (probably most nurses) to turn their back on any person who is actively dying. Sounds like she is a person of good character. My thoughts remain with you and yours. ️‍🩹

lolonurse

@wdlindsy
The tapestry of life. It's amazing when these wonderful coincidences happen.