The best “I told you so”s are the ones where you never have to say “I told you so” because the other person clearly knows you told them so

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Second best: telling your former boss to do a full rip and replace of their ERP system (they didn't, bad things happened) and now they've hired you as a consultant to advise on the implemention if the new ERP system at $20k/month.

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Yeah, but you gotta look smug.

"Oh, me? I didn't say anything!"

"You know damn well what you want to say! Go ahead! Say it! Say what you want!"

"I'm sure I haven't a clue what you're talking about."

With your nose in the air, and a grin on your face.

"Heavens to betsy, I do declaire the wait at this border is quite high, wouldn't you saaaaaaaay dear?"

I don't know why I envision you, regardless of gender, transitioning more and more into a victorian era elitist woman.

Wearing one of those big poofy dresses that gets real skinny at the waist, but then balloons at the hips, like there's a hula hoop under her dress. That sort of thing.

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Wait, what? People wait at the border?

Normally, you just drive through without thinking about it. Later, you realize from the traffic signs that you must already be in the other country, and you missed the border again.

Maeve

I'm working on taming my inner beasts. I imagine it's a lifetime endeavor (and I also imagine for some, excessive humility can be a wild beast).

Those skirts did have hoops! https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hoop_skirt

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i mean external schengen zone border

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OOF, cheers and well done homie! That's delicious.

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I love botched idioms so much. "It's not rocket surgery" is my go to, but the best ones are unintentional (and completely torture the original).

Best I've heard lately was on the air, local NPR affiliate, and the unfortunate lass said something, complimenting I think a film director, saying "He's hitting all cylinders at just the very top level".

(The original is "firing on all cylinders", which just describes an internal combustion engine working properly and not suffering from that particular degradation, cylinders misfiring. Hitting them, anywhere, let alone "at the top level", is utter nonsense and it was delightful to me, she flat out abused that idiom)

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You would love some of the "Fick-isms" from the Arisen book series.

"Hey! If you put your dirty dick beaters on her again I'm gonna light you on fire and put it out with a fork!"

dustycups

Justin

imagine waiting at borders

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Color me intrigued!

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ENTIRELY possible that this exact line is what sent me down the path of noticing and loving tortured idioms. And I forgot all about it, so thanks!!

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My favorite recently was when a friend said, "Reap the fruit of my loins".

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EU member: borders?

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Oh, outside civilization...

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This weird thing that falls apart between countries because it's not in active use

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So, like, labor and delivery?

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Its a zombie apocalypse book series following the last of the spec ops operators in the world as they hit hot zones and try to piece together the elements of the cure the world was working on before everywhere but the UK was overrun.

The Audiobook is particularly good.

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Oh my god......it's like I'm looking at the skirts BONES!!!! It looks so weird. It IS so weird!!! Why did they invent this???

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Funny you should say that - as a matter of fact, whale bone was frequently used in women’s dresses and corsets back in those times.