I've noticed a sharp split in attitudes towards dating apps as they exist now, with some people saying that dating and sexual relationships are easier than ever, others saying that the apps are alienating and they're little or no help in overcoming lon...

FoolishOwl

I've noticed a sharp split in attitudes towards dating apps as they exist now, with some people saying that dating and sexual relationships are easier than ever, others saying that the apps are alienating and they're little or no help in overcoming loneliness.

I wonder if there's a fundamental divide in approaches to relationships, one that's often obscured with moralism and misunderstanding.

FoolishOwl

I often hear this split in attitudes described as a difference between genders, but from what I've seen, it doesn't map to gender at all.

FoolishOwl

I feel like I have strong emotions around sexuality, that I feel sexuality is more of an emotional experience than a physical one -- though it is certainly both for me -- and that I am prone to quickly feeling an emotional bond when I feel sexual attraction, which means that I'm very vulnerable if I even admit attraction. So I'd need to develop trust with another person first, and I can't do that quickly or easily.

Kat Valentine Allwell

@foolishowl It seems like you're saying that you're wary of allowing yourself to experience sexual attraction, and that it will lead to unhealthy attachment, or enable other people to control you.

Is that right?

FoolishOwl

@katanova Close. More that I'm cautious about acknowledging a sexual attraction earlier. And those are potential dangers.

I think it's also potentially a problem in a long term relationship, where you do have trust and affection, but your feelings about sexuality differ.

Also, I don't think what I'm trying to describe is a pathology, but a difference.

Kat Valentine Allwell

@foolishowl So you're worried that bad things may happen if you acknowledge sexual attraction in any context?

I'm not a shrink not particularly worried about pathologies, more interested in trying to understand.

FoolishOwl

@katanova No, just that I'd want to be careful about boundaries first. Because I know about my own emotional responses.