anyone can & should ask for financial support anytime they need it & no one should feel guilt for asking for support
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Nat Oleanderreplied to Nat Oleander last edited by [email protected]
just think of the additional mutual aid you could generate if you weren't paying credit card interest
(obviously #mutualaid is about much more than money, but focusing on that here bc many of us who didn't grow up with much have the hardest time asking for monetary help, especially if you are housed & fed at the moment)
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@nat My only frustration with this method of spreading mutual aid is I have to go lookup that "dating algorithm" solution from freshman year comp-sci because the requests come in serialized so I don't know which one to satisfy!
"But... But what if I give my money to this one and the next one is the neediest?!"
(Uh-oh... I just realized I'm falling into the efffective altruism trap. Pull up!)
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@mark oof yeah it's tough on the giving side too! I think it's helpful to check in & see if you're giving from a place of guilt as well. Bc then you start to feel like you can never do/give enough. We're all interconnected & so joyful, compassionate support of any individual helps the collective. You can always choose someone to support more consistently over time, too!
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Erik L. Midtsveen 🏴🏳️🌈replied to Nat Oleander last edited by
@nat asking for money always feels weird to me, like I'm somehow less worthy if I need help. But your post is making me rethink that. It’s a good reminder that it’s okay to ask for help.
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Nat Oleanderreplied to Erik L. Midtsveen 🏴🏳️🌈 last edited by
@midtsveen yeppp that's the capitalism that's baked into your bones speaking!
a great way to fight capitalism is to let go of the idea that your need dictates your worth
(I mean even the whole concept of comparing human "value" is capitalist but let's take one step at a time...)
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@nat I struggle all the time with the value judgments buried in what I was taught: it’s fine and even good to give “no judgment” when I can but somehow never okay for me to ask? With that outlook, what am I really saying about people who do ask?
It’s a thing I’ve recognized and made incremental progress on since I was a tot but it’s still my biggest struggle.
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ALSO, many LGBTQIA+ people have *way* less family support relative to cishet/allosexual folks. Even if your family doesn't have money, being able to go back and live with them is a major support that some of us have never had and will never have.
Think of the *thousands upon thousands of dollars* saved by those who have lived at home for just one year at any point in adulthood.
YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE AND YOU ARE NOT "BEHIND" IN LIFE IF YOU ARE STRUGGLING.
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Capitalists win when we use their internalized value system to tell ourselves that we should be uncomfortable and anxious at all times because we Really Don't Need Help and Really Should Be Able to Figure Out Survival Independently.
Be an anarchist. Be a socialist. Ask for help.
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@nat just wished for some of us who asked not to constantly get denied the help when we do.
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@Sh4d0w_H34rt Absolutely! It is devastating when you finally get up the courage to ask and get **crickets.** Even worse if you have rejection sensitive dysphoria because then you're like WELP GUESS I CAN NEVER ASK AGAIN.
The next step is *loudly and repeatedly asking everyone* and continually finding new ways to ask to see what resonates. But it's not easy and it still guarantees nothing. The other side of the coin is that we need community who HELPS when & how they can
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