finding a mutual that left fedi completely and force unfollowed me damn
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@puppygirlhornypost2 reminds me of someone i followed for years and then thinking she went missing, only to find out she blocked my instance
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@[email protected] yeah.
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@[email protected] what gets to me - people make the assumption that I sat down one day and decided "I want to destabilize the one place I feel safe and comfortable". I didn't want to fragment the community, I didn't want the collateral damage. I knew it was inevitable but I decided that the risk associated in continuing to federate with abusive instances was too high.
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@[email protected] this ex mutual said "I am leaving because fedi admins keep destroying my sense of community" and it's like... I didn't want this.
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@puppygirlhornypost2 yeah, sometimes hard decisions have to be made, and it's a shame that that's something that could potentially tear friendships or relationships apart
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@[email protected] I didn't like seeing my users in a frenzy, scared, confused, hurt. I still have a hard time reaching out to users who were upset at me even though they remained on my instances. I've been trying to give them space because I understand - I mean, to them I am the person who wreaked havoc on their community. I just, I couldn't turn a blind eye to that. My communities are extremely vulnerable and with the specific pattern of behavior (in regards to isolating vulnerable queer people, being the "provider" for them and making them more or less dependent on the abuser) I didn't feel safe having that instance around my users. The unfortunate part was that I took users autonomy away from them, but I felt like I had a damn good justification. The horrible part was that I didn't want to isolate the users on that instance to their abuser but I didn't have much choice unless I wanted to sit there constantly watching the instance, who comes in and out.
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@[email protected] I didn't ask for this power, I don't like wielding it much less using it.
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@puppygirlhornypost2 you did do the right thing, i saw all the evidence that was presented, and i saw how she acted when faced with it. it's a shame that people are still on that instance, but protecting the people you're responsible for definitely should come first, even if they don't understand it right now
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@[email protected] yeah I have a lot of young queers who aren't versed in recognizing the patterns of abuse. It sucked having them fight me and be like "I don't see anything wrong" and it's like... honey, I am trying to protect you before you learn the patterns of abuse the hard way. People have this misconception that abuse is blatant in the beginning. Seeing people confused to why I had commented on certain dms going "Well, this might not be textbook grooming when it comes to the later stages but this does not look good and reminds me a lot of how my grooming started off". abusers aren't just going to immediately pull a power dynamic on you, they'll wait until you become more and more vulnerable around them. By the time you realize that's when you get scared because your abuser has more "credibility" than you. Why are you just now speaking out against them if it's been happening for so long? etc. It's a whole mess. I wanted to save people from that hurt.
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@puppygirlhornypost2 yeah, and i can speak to that from personal experience, back when i was newly out as a trans woman, and a certain ... person in the trans community latched onto me, used me, manipulated me, and it ruined a lot of community I could have had before things started going sharply down-hill
if I had someone looking out for me then, maybe I wouldn't have understood it, but I would have, at some point, and I think the same is true for people in these communities. they'll know, eventually
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@[email protected] While most users from that instance were not abusive, there was serious concern. I didn't like the lack of trust & safety, the fact that my serious concerns were brushed aside. If the administration has a problem with vetting people (and allowing people who have no place in administrating such as partners in the mod channels - especially when those partners later turn out to be abusive) I'm not going to take up that burden. Especially when they have two sides, the "on platform" where they're oh so friendly until you meet them on discord or another messaging platform. I hate moderating on off-site interactions but at a certain point it's my job to protect my community. I had a variety of proof from people who didn't know each other. Whether that was matrix screenshots, discord screenshots etc. There was just so much evidence to wrongdoing that if I stuck my head in the sand and said "i won't moderate off-platform interactions" I would have put a lot of people at risk.
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P [email protected] shared this topic
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@cmdr_nova @puppygirlhornypost2 not really. if someone is truly a friend, they will have other ways to contact you, and may even join a different instance that doesn't fediblock x instance.
Fediblock isn't really worth caring about tbh
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@[email protected] @[email protected] this was the entire reason behind an announcement of defederation. i wanted people to be able to talk to their friends, exchange socials and so on before taking action.
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@[email protected] @[email protected] i knew it would have a large impact on both user bases because there were 2k+ connections both ways. i wanted everyone to have the ability to find an alternative way of communicating.
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@puppygirlhornypost2 @cmdr_nova yea! its good that you made an announcement, though ppl would have figured out anyways
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@[email protected] @[email protected] yeah but dms would not have been available and i didn't want it to be a surprise of like "how come i dont' see this person on my timeline anymore"
