Bargaining

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Haha thanks. I found out in my early 40s as well, I just assumed I was just a lazy procrastinator my whole life until that point, and not naturally angry. I dealt with this and other symptoms by self medicating with weed and being a stoner for most of my adult life.

Agreed that it is two sides of the same coin.

Midnight Wolf

My definition is "knowing literally nothing", with an exception for watching a video that gives a review or first-look. Thus, I can play blind exactly once, per game. I will only seek help if I get stuck for a while (hour+).

Often friends look to me for opinions of games, and assuming it's a game I'm interested in, I'll either stream or record my own blind 'review'. Everything from the second I hit launch, gets included. I have turned away groups of people because of my criticisms, as if a game is shit I'll explain in excruciating detail how, and bitch about it every time it fucks with the experience. Kinda similar to AVGN's style. It can be therapitic for me, and save a bunch of friends a bunch of money.

The whole 'min/max' bullshit isn't gaming, it's a glorified spreadsheet exercise. Yawn. Going in and just doing stuff is what games are all about, for me. I recently started playing gran turismo 4 and I chose a daihatsu k-car minivan with like 53hp and fwd, as my starter car. Makes no sense, makes winning really hard or literally impossible. But I liked the car and fuck it, everyone would go with a miata or something similar, but that's boring, let's see how this does. It actually can win (some) races, if you disregard racing rules, plow straight as you can through chicanes, around barriers and through the environment. The game isn't penalizing me so it's a 'legit strat'...

Playing 'blind' is the only way, imo. And worry more about fun than competitiveness. If you're a skilled player you can beat others with better items/gear/cars regardless. And if you aren't skilled yet, you'll try harder to get there learning more than others.

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I used to that pretty much exclusively, but it got boring eventually.

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Yeah this is the biggest thing that drove me to get diagnosed. I just wasn't doing anything I enjoyed because I couldn't get myself to do it. I would just watch YouTube instead. Now when I'm medicated I actually do the stuff that I'm interested in.

Queen HawlSera

True, but I'm still not convinced that there isn't a brain mind separation.

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Yep, that's how I know by now a depressive episode is coming on.

Recognizing them earlier helps me to give myself a mixture of slack and forced "that's good for you so do it fucker" that usually gets me through them quicker and with less collateral damage than just waiting them out.

Sabata

When you stare blankly at your steam library unable to pick a game as you know you the dopamine farms dried up.

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I shower when my hair gets itchy

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I've taken a few classes that touched on this concept. Most interesting to me is the concept of the two halves seemingly being secular vs deist, essentially. Now I'm wondering if the deist half is the "nonsensical" side, as you described.

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Can't relate

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I just go through running a game I think is interesting so it's at the top of my recently played and just go back to playing Ark.

Gloomy

Username checks out

WIZARD POPE💫

Fuck I might have to get myself checked then.

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Yeah, it's weird explaining to people that every fiber of my being is screaming "DO THE THING" but something just gets...stuck along the way and I spend like 30-60 minutes hyping myself up to complete a 5 minute task.

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Agreed. My brain is me. There is no me at my side. I am one. I also don't play much videogames. But I do tend to procrastinate on showers, so there's that.

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Just to add for anyone reading, and I'm not diagnosing anyone, ADHD shares a ton of symptoms with anxiety, depression, and C/PTSD. It's also common to have multiple of those at once with a compounding effect.

I've always had a mild level of executive function difficulty(presumed ADHD, undiagnosed) but then i had acute anxiety+depression and saw how bad it can get. The comic is a story of the one good day you might get in a week.