What's the social protocol here?

The Picard Maneuver

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The Pantser

Who takes pictures at a funeral? I've never been to a funeral where people take pictures.

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Funeral:

Wake:

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I had no idea I was supposed to smile at a wake until they took the photo lol.

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A lot of times, funerals function as a family reunion even if it's a sad occasion. When my grandpa passed away, not only did my father's rather large family all come together, but my grandpa's siblings also flew out from far away. Some of these people I had never met before. For this reason, we planned ahead and made sure to get a venue for dinner to host everyone after the funeral where we could all talk and reminisce and have a good time with people we almost never see. This would be a more appropriate place to take a photo, but some families may not have that option and just want to take the opportunity to get a family photo while they can.

PhobosAnomaly

Not sure what it's like in your part of the world, but where I'm from it's pretty much the whole deal. The ceremony is all about remembering the person and marking the loss of a friend, family member, or whatever. The wake is about having a riot and sharing great stories, bonding over mutual ties, and celebrating the life of whoever it was that kicked the bucket.

If it gets a bit emotional and tears are shed, then hey, that's great news. Otherwise, it's just an excuse for a few beers and a chat about the person in the box, to make sure their impact on your life or the best of times you spent together are remembered fondly.

That said, everyone's different, so smile if you like and don't if you don't like

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I should hope that when I die that instead of mourning me at a funeral, they will celebrate me over a cookout or something.

That is not to say that no one should be sad. But instead, I’d rather them focus on the good times and not sulk in the bad.

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So did everyone look solemn, or did they smile since it was a family photo?

Jay

Duck lips and flash the peace sign. Anything else is an affront to the gods.

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Brings the meme to mind...

The Picard Maneuver

This meme is from 2019?! I could've sworn it's been on the internet for twice that long...

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The social protocol is to not take pictures at a funeral.
Who the hell looks at pictures of people in funerals?

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It's even from 2020.

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This comment made me emotional before you even said "if it gets a bit emotional". I can't even think of death without getting sad.

I've only had one death of anyone REALLY close to me to deal with so far, but I remember how that feels extremely vividly.

PhobosAnomaly

Hey, that's super cool and entirely valid. How you feel after a loss - whether it's ten seconds, ten days, or ten years - after a bereavement is a bit of a lottery where there's no winners, just differing levels of shit.

Through my work life and private life, I've been to more than my fair share of funerals, and they all suck to different degrees. Some are absolutely horrendous to get through if the close family have been particularly affected, some have been led by a very positive celebrant who framed the departed's life in a great way.

The wake is always fairly positive though. If it's someone I knew on a thinly professional level then I'll get a coffee, share a light-hearted story about the deceased, and fuck off.

If it's been someone I was closer with, then I've had a great time meeting old friends, going over long forgotten hilarious stories, getting a bit emosh realising that we won't be sharing any more again, and getting rat-arsed into the night knowing that the funeral brought us all back together for one last hurrah.

Everyone deals with it differently though, and that's awesome. The only caveat I'd apply to that statement is that if you find (god forbid you have to go through it again soon) that it starts to affect your day to day life, then there's loads of resources to reach out and seek a helping hand.

Sorry. I've turned a ten second reply into a ten minute one there.

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Tombstone literally says 2019

And its actually a real person and hero to the city!

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Sorry. I've turned a ten second reply into a ten minute one there.

I actually deleted paragraphs from my previous comment for the same reason lol. You start talking passionately about something, and then you just start talking until something snaps you out of the trance lol.

Generally speaking, I think my issue is with the permanence of it. Everything about life is about change over time. But something like the fact of someone not being alive is permanent.

I feel like change is so natural that someone never doing that anymore bothers me. It's not even necessarily about the death itself, (although obviously that is a pretty big part) but more about the "set in stone" nature of their story.

For the living, everything about a person's story could be a preamble to the important part at any time. The unpredictability of life is part of the experience. And that is so starkly contrasted in the case of dead people. Regular life has ups and downs all the time, it's kinda like the pulse of life (literally of course as well, but in this case metaphorical). That graph flattens out when you die (still metaphorical), and it's an eerie feeling.

I could go into a whole further rant about religion and how it can play in to this, but I'll keep it to less than a 10 minute reply .