Daddy

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Ah, but the doublethink is the point! Add in a lil religious hypocrisy, and oh baby you got a Southern American stew goin.

Dharma Curious (he/him)

When I was 13-14 I had this best friend, named Amber. I was terribly gay, and she dreadfully lesbian. Neither one of us had admitted it to the other, or even really ourselves. But there was a connection, and everyone just assumed we were dating. Including her dad, who spent most of his time overseas. Former military, and now he's over there with some private fucking army or some shit. Absolutely terrifying man. Divorced from her mom, but stays with them whenever he's stateside.

Anyway, her mom had met me once or twice, but never in the context of us dating, which we had basically decided to just go along with. Her dad came home one week, and I was so freaked out about meeting him, because I'd heard all these stories. I went over to get her, and her dad told me to come inside.

Dude was freaky, kind of an asshole, but no over protective dad shit.

Then her mom came in the room, dad asked her if she'd met "Amber's boyfriend"

Mom was like, "yeah, but he didn't tell me he was dating my daughter"

And then she looks me dead in the eye, and with witnesses tells 14 year old me "listen, tubby, if she ends up pregnant I'll fuck your ass with her father's rifle so hard you'll spit bullets"

Her mother is so much more terrifying than her father. Super Catholic, super scary, super Chancla energy

Pennomi

Ew, Quiznos? I expected better of you, son.

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Throw stick! No take! Only throw!

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He's absolutely a truth seeker

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Maybe they're just really pro-adoption (not enough to do it themselves, though)

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Nope, not at all. My parents berated me until I was 35 to "wait until you're ready to have kids."
Then they were like, why are you waiting to have grandkids?! You've been married for 5 years!!!

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Oh I have. I had a coworker who used to brag that when his daughter had a date, he would open his garage door and start cleaning his guns so the kid would see him.

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Was he Rodney Atkins?

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This was long before I was alive, but apparently when my sister committed the act for the first time, she came home to my mom, who took a look at her and said "ohhh, she had seeeexxxxxxx!"

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their daughter can have kids, but only in a mary and joseph kind of way

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The second one, you know where the parents genuinely love their kids

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These occur at different life stages for children

Teenager years, "Don't touch my daughter." / "Don't impregnate anyone."

Mid twenty and later, "Grandbabies please."

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Yeah my fear is that my kids will be like every teenager since the dawn of humanity and not care that much about long-term consequences.

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I had an uncle say shit like this to me. Weird family.

I Cast Fist

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That's one weird thing in human, evolutionary: teenagers already get the drive (even more so than later) but the mind and body is not yet ready.

Wait, is that why we have parents and grandparents?

Sorry, weird topic.

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So if she blows you..?

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I 100% believe this is correct. Parents never seem ready, but damn those grandparents are!