Decisions

sag

"That's rough buddy."

Buglefingers

Relateable, I once had a blanket that didn't totally cover me. Toes or shoulder coverage only. We are truly brothers in suffering

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I learned this a few years ago and my mind was blown because I'm autistic and this is indeed my instinct. I have also found that neurodivergent people are more likely to respond positively to an anecdote.

Neurotypical people tend to react better to "reflective listening" — basically the "it sucks" button, but more expanded. Like if someone is venting about something, I might say "That sounds really frustrating", or similar. It feels like playing conversational ping pong where I'm not an active participant in the rally, but just reacting to my conversation partner's shots.

I don't tend to find reflective listening especially helpful if I'm the recipient of it (I cope with problems differently), so it blew my mind when I was trying to support a friend with these techniques and they ended the conversation by thanking me for the support, and they really needed that. It baffled me because I hadn't felt like I'd said anything really at all, besides just reflecting stuff back at them, which felt sort of like small talk but even more superficial. But nah, turns out that different people find different kinds of support helpful. The_More_You_Know.jpg

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You're great at explaining this, thanks for giving these examples

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The most sarcastic, yet relatable response to any conversation not involving you (or me).

Poplar?

Haha, glad I learnt of this parody journal. There's also the Journal of Immaterial Science for anyone interested.

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"I'm sorry for your loss. Move on."

"It's not like you've lost a pen, is it? It's so much worse. ...Would you like a pen? have a spare
one. ...Please take it."

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All of them, this is a QuickTime event. You have to feel out what they're looking for. You have to hit the buttons in order and with the right timing

First - that sucks. Show empathy and active listening, see if they have more to say. Let them get it out

Next - you have to decide, are they more upset, or more stressed

Upset - story time, show sympathy. Keep it light on the details, and don't try to draw comparisons - keep it at the emotional level.
Then advice time - again, keep it brief and vague

Stressed - advice, lay out options rapid fire and see if they latch onto any.
If they don't, story time - tell them about similar situations, without drawing emotional comparisons, where you got past it more easily than expected

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And thank you for the vote of confidence! If this has been able to help even one person put this complex and often emotionally heavy interaction into an understandable framework then I'm happy. ️

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Thanks zuko

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I'm so sorry, here, it's Cradle of Filth. It got me through some pretty bleak times.

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Well you want to know the other person gets it, right? Otherwise it's just hollow words. A well-chosen anecdote means that to some extent, you understand each other. I can see the appeal of that kind of commiseration.