There's a disgusting inversion going on right now where people try to justify incel behavior by saying men are lonely. This makes people feel bad about pushing back on this, because it sounds like you're a callous person that doesn't care about the ver...
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Ashe Drydenreplied to mekka okereke :verified: last edited by
@mekkaokereke this sounds like something they would throw at a woman, tbqh
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mekka okereke :verified:replied to mekka okereke :verified: last edited by
Show me a happy white man in the US, and I'll show you a man that rejects most of these rules. "🧔
️Who made that a rule? Who says I have to follow it? LOL! No. 
"But then we've got other men:
🧔
️Men suffer so much! The loneliness is real! No one cares about our mental health!
That sounds hard! Therapy helped me --🧔
️No!OK... well talking to friends also --🧔
️No!OK... wow. Well, helping others can build a sense of community --🧔
️No!What do you think will help you?🧔
️ Trump!3/N
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FediThing 🏳️🌈replied to mekka okereke :verified: last edited by
On a slight tangent, apparently the whole "incel" thing was originally a legitimate support forum for people of all genders who wanted help finding a partner, started by a single woman in her 20s:
Somehow the concept got borrowed and metamorphosised into a far right recruitment and radicalisation movement
How does an attempt to help people turn into a machine for hurting people?
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mekka okereke :verified:replied to mekka okereke :verified: last edited by
And yes, there are Black incels and manosphere podcast bros, as well.
White US men do not have a monopoly on using "loneliness plus entitlement" to justify mistreating women.
The twisted thinking is the same.
A better way to deal with loneliness, is to understand why you are lonely, and then to address that. Maybe it's depression or another very real mental health issue. Maybe it's your living situation. But I promise you, the cause is never "Not enough fascism in the world!"
4/4
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@Ashedryden @mekkaokereke You can see the double standard when folks are handwringing about “the loneliness epidemic in men” but then also making fun of the “childless cat lady” bc she’s “going to be alone when she’s old.”
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@sidereal @Ashedryden @mekkaokereke The only way they know how to interact with women is the Neg them, including the childless cat lady thing.
I remember when I found out the "Spinster" was a term of respect for a woman who had employment and was self sufficient until men got sad and made it an insult.
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Axel Rauschmayerreplied to mekka okereke :verified: last edited by
@mekkaokereke One good explanation I have read: If you are raised in an environment that tells you that you are better than others, where you are treated like a prince whatever you do, then it’s quite logical that the real world makes you angry: You are doing the same things you’ve always done but the reactions are suddenly not enthusiastic anymore. You *could* seek fault with yourself but that wasn’t a skill you were taught.
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Coles Street Pothole 💀replied to mekka okereke :verified: last edited by
@mekkaokereke It's like this meme template was built precisely for them.
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@sidereal @Ashedryden @mekkaokereke
Why a "loneliness epidemic" only for men?
Anecdotally, though, it seems true. I see a lot of women walking alone these days (even without dogs!) and they seem pretty happy about it
It could be historical discrimination leveling out
Men seem lonely because they used to be able to force women to marry them
Women seem happy because they’re finally allowed to be alone
The answer (as noted) is for men to get over themselves
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@peterbutler @Ashedryden @mekkaokereke Gonna be totally honest. It feels like I live in a different universe than some of these guys. It is actually not that hard to meet and date people in the USA in the 21st century. There are like so many specialized dating apps. There are also so many people who are burnt out on dating apps, wishing they could meet someone in person. But you have to be kind, and actually respect women, and some of these fools will never do that.
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@peterbutler @Ashedryden @mekkaokereke I honestly think if there is a loneliness epidemic it’s more because people are working too much (and/or spending too much time commuting) to connect with their community/friends/family and do things like go on dates. But people would rather blame women or something. Anything but focusing on the rich people ripping us off
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@peterbutler The term incel was actually invented by a woman in Ontario who couldn't find a sexual partner. It got appropriated and turned into something else by men who feel entitled to sex with women they view as desirable objects. The problem here is them not seeing people as people and feeling entitled to sex with hot women (without paying for it). It's all grandiosity, narcissism and not seeing women as people on the male incel side. It's perhaps understandable in younger teenage boys who are trying to figured stuff out, which is who the predatory men target, if they don't have someone to help them navigate their social anxieties and learn to become friends with girls. @sidereal @Ashedryden @mekkaokereke
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@bamfic @sidereal @peterbutler @Ashedryden @mekkaokereke White America has spent the past 70-odd years deliberately building an urban environment that's socially isolating: Car-dependent suburbia.
Detached, single family homes that are largely accessible only by car.
Even if there are footpaths, the only thing you can reasonably walk to is other houses, because of single-use zoning.
With strip malls, office parks, and drive-throughs that are surrounded by car parks, and utterly inhospitable to anyone not driving.
This home to car to destination to car to home pattern minimises the chances that you will bump into someone you know.
What's missing is the public realm. The local British-style pub. The cafe. The town square. The market. The park. The gardens. The pedestrianised high street.
You miss the chance encounters with people you know that you get when walking, or catching the train, metro, tram, or trolleybus.
Add the internet and automation, and it's quite possible to go weeks without any real human contact.
Home theatres, not cinemas.
Facebook, not meeting friends.
So yes, many people feel isolated. Not just men.
That sense of isolation is created by a built environment and a culture that encourages people to be isolated individuals, not citizens.
(1/2)
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@bamfic @sidereal @peterbutler @Ashedryden @mekkaokereke Now, it would be a gross oversimplification to say that we could solve misogyny with better urban planning.
It's quite possible to live in a nice apartment in a dense urban neighbourhood and still be a chauvinist prick — just ask Donald Trump.
At the same time, the solution to social isolation isn't to accept that "boys will be boys".
Instead, I think the answer is to remember how to create a built environment that encourages civic engagement, and at the same time root out structural inequity in all its forms.
That includes, but isn't limited to, sexism.
Because if we don't also solve racism, transphobia, homophobia, ableism, and at least reduce socioeconomic inequality, then we can't solve sexism.
And I think a big piece of that is to think of ourselves as citizens first, rather than as individuals.
Citizens have rights, duties, and obligations to their fellow citizens.
If power structures are inequitable, then it's a civic duty, and your obligation to your fellow citizens, to change them.
Individuals just have their own self-interest. And if that perceived self-interest aligns with the patriarchy, or white supremacy, or oligarchical capitalism, then it's only natural to support and uphold those power structures.
(2/2)
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mekka okereke :verified:replied to AJ Sadauskas last edited by
@ajsadauskas @bamfic @sidereal @peterbutler @Ashedryden
I agree with all of the above points.
Some interesting observations:
* Despite "urban" being a euphemism for 'Black," most Black people in the US live in the suburbs. ~76%. Because in the US, almost everyone lives in the suburbs.
️* The "young men are increasingly diverging politically from young women!" trope is not generally true. It's true for young *white* men. There's a "data lie" that young Black men are "turning to Trump."
1/N
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mekka okereke :verified:replied to mekka okereke :verified: last edited by
@ajsadauskas @bamfic @sidereal @peterbutler @Ashedryden
In 2016, ~80% of Black men polled said that they would "definitely vote for Hillary." On election day, ~80% of Black men did vote for Hillary.
In 2024, so many Black men were disillusioned with Biden, that under 50% said that they were definitely voting for him.🤯
2016, 100 Black voters:
80 Dem
0 sitting out
20 GOP/OtherEarly 2024 (Biden)
60 Dem
20 sitting out
20 GOP/OtherLate 2024 (Harris)
70 Dem
10 sitting out
20 GOP/other2/N
