Whenever some reply guy gives me his tedious opinion, I say "Whoa! That's interesting. Tell me more?" Then I mute them. Some of them carry on replying for months. I like to think it stops them bothering others.
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Whenever some reply guy gives me his tedious opinion, I say "Whoa! -
I like to eat oxo cubes.I like to eat oxo cubes. Don't want the wife to know so eat them in secret. Just ate one whilst having a bath and, as a consequence enjoyed a soak in the worlds weakest gravy after I dropped some of the oxo in the tub.
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At an afternoon fancy dress pub crawl, dressed as Batman.At an afternoon fancy dress pub crawl, dressed as Batman. Loads of little kids thought I was the real Batman their parents asked if I would pose for some pictures with them. I happily accepted. It turned into a disaster when I threw up jagermeister all over them. Sorry kids
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Been a huge graffiti nerd since I was a kid, even though I've never touched spray paint.Been a huge graffiti nerd since I was a kid, even though I've never touched spray paint. This obsession has led to an encyclopedic knowledge of graffiti writers. Currently in Greece and made my day to see two London writers up here, Jet97 and Helch if you're interested.
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Bloke at work called Dom is going on a cruise, that's his nickname sorted until he retires.Bloke at work called Dom is going on a cruise, that's his nickname sorted until he retires.
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Tradesman here, recently I was fitting a kitchen for this gorgeous single mum.Tradesman here, recently I was fitting a kitchen for this gorgeous single mum. We flirted a lot, fancied each other until I had to go for a shit and blocked her loo. She didn't really speak to me again. Lesson learnt always leave the customers house to go for a shit
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I always wondered what it's like to get fucked in the arse so I bought a dildo. There's got to be less expensive ways to find out it's not for me, and certainly ways that don't involve me washing my own shit off a rubber cockI always wondered what it's like to get fucked in the arse so I bought a dildo. There's got to be less expensive ways to find out it's not for me, and certainly ways that don't involve me washing my own shit off a rubber cock
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In my teens I learnt sign language to get in the pants of a super hot deaf girl who lived near me.In my teens I learnt sign language to get in the pants of a super hot deaf girl who lived near me. 20 years later we have just secured a new client because their CFO is deaf and "no other company cared enough except you to employ someone fluent in sign language". Thanks Charlotte
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Fesshole live is coming to Birmingham soon - do come https://bit.ly/FessholeLiveShowFesshole live is coming to Birmingham soon - do come https://bit.ly/FessholeLiveShow
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I never open the baby gates in my house, I step over them like I'm stepping over the top rope pretending I'm a WWE wrestlerI never open the baby gates in my house, I step over them like I'm stepping over the top rope pretending I'm a WWE wrestler
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I work at a restaurant and have convinced everyone there that I am vegetarian so that nobody suspects me when chicken wings or burgers mysteriously vanishI work at a restaurant and have convinced everyone there that I am vegetarian so that nobody suspects me when chicken wings or burgers mysteriously vanish
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Ooh 6k followers on the best social media network on the planet. If you do know of any other refugees from the bad place then do tell them that Fesshole is here and posting away.Ooh 6k followers on the best social media network on the planet. If you do know of any other refugees from the bad place then do tell them that Fesshole is here and posting away.
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My daughter is now fourteen and has pretty much ceased talking to her two favourite cuddly bears, for whom I provide the voices. When she's out, I go into her room and have conversations with them.My daughter is now fourteen and has pretty much ceased talking to her two favourite cuddly bears, for whom I provide the voices. When she's out, I go into her room and have conversations with them.
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As a teenager in Neustrelitz (East Germany), I painted small stones purple and left them all over town.As a teenager in Neustrelitz (East Germany), I painted small stones purple and left them all over town. Did it for years. It drove the police and Stasi nuts. It meant nothing. It just felt good to do something they couldn't control or understand.
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Primary school teacher.Primary school teacher. Also have a side-gig as Santa in the Christmas holidays. My favourite children who visit the Grotto are deaf kids. Because the surprise & joy in their faces when they see Santa knows sign language too makes both the kid's & their family's Christmas better.
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When I was little, my Nan left out strawberries, grapes etc and say "Mmm, I can't wait to eat these!" and then act shocked and bewildered at their disappearance when I stole and ate them. I have just now, in my late 30s, realised that this was her way ...When I was little, my Nan left out strawberries, grapes etc and say "Mmm, I can't wait to eat these!" and then act shocked and bewildered at their disappearance when I stole and ate them. I have just now, in my late 30s, realised that this was her way of getting me to eat fruit.
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I make up cringe corporate sayings in Teams meetings to see if they catch on.I make up cringe corporate sayings in Teams meetings to see if they catch on. I felt a great sense of achievement when my boss remarked about a client wanting a sub-standard product "if the ducks want bread, give them bread". I had forgotten about that one.
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I gave a guy the thumbs down instead of a middle finger when he cut me off.I gave a guy the thumbs down instead of a middle finger when he cut me off. His face was confusion and shock. I whole heartily recommend this action.
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I'm from Bristol and moved to USA, when I first arrived a pretty woman mistook my accent for Irish, so I deliberately adopted an Irish accent and now it's 10 years later and I haven't a fucking clue what my accent is. My sister says I sound like Father...I'm from Bristol and moved to USA, when I first arrived a pretty woman mistook my accent for Irish, so I deliberately adopted an Irish accent and now it's 10 years later and I haven't a fucking clue what my accent is. My sister says I sound like Father Jack having a stroke.
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My employer added a clause in my last NDA stating that I was prohibited from saying anything "disparaging" about the company. Now when anyone asks about job postings I tell them, "I'm contractually obligated not to say anything disparaging about them."...My employer added a clause in my last NDA stating that I was prohibited from saying anything "disparaging" about the company. Now when anyone asks about job postings I tell them, "I'm contractually obligated not to say anything disparaging about them." None have ever applied.